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Lindsay Simon, Clinical Director

Suicide Prevention Month: You are Not Alone

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As we observe Suicide Prevention Month, it’s a powerful reminder that mental health is a journey, and no one should have to walk that path alone. At A Balanced Life, we are committed to fostering a community of support, understanding, and healing for those facing the struggles that life can bring.
The Importance of Connection
One of the most challenging aspects of depression and suicidal thoughts is the feeling of isolation. It can feel like no one understands your pain, and that you have to carry your burdens by yourself. But the truth is, you are not alone. So many people face these challenges, and there is help available.
We believe that connection is a crucial part of mental health, and having a supportive community can make all the difference. Talking openly about your feelings, sharing your experiences, and hearing from others who have been where you are can help break the stigma around mental health and bring hope back into your life.
Recognizing the Signs
It’s important to know the warning signs that someone may be struggling with suicidal thoughts. These can include:
– Expressing feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
– Withdrawing from friends, family, or activities
– Increased use of drugs or alcohol
– Talking about death or suicide, even in a casual or joking way
– Sudden mood swings or changes in behavior
– Giving away personal belongings or saying goodbye
If you or someone you know is experiencing any of these signs, please take them seriously and reach out for help.
 How We Can Help
At A Balanced Life, we provide a safe and compassionate space for anyone dealing with mental health challenges. Our therapy groups offer a supportive environment where you can talk openly, connect with others, and work through difficult emotions. Whether you’re seeking individual therapy, group support, or just someone to listen, we’re here for you.
In addition, we currently are the recipient of a trauma-informed grant that allows us to provide free individual and family therapy to youths ages 11-19 years old in our community.  You can get a direct referral through your assigned school counselor or call our office if you have any additional questions about this: (530) 544-1748.
To learn more about our social and emotional learning groups and the free grant opportunity check out our webpage: https://www.abalancedlifetahoe.com/teen-grant/
What You Can Do
If you’re not sure how to help someone who might be struggling, remember that small gestures can have a big impact. Here are a few ways to support someone who may be dealing with suicidal thoughts:
1. **Listen without judgment.** Sometimes, the best way to support someone is simply to be there and listen.
2. **Encourage professional help.** Guide them to resources like therapy, support groups, or hotlines.
3. **Stay connected.** Check in regularly and let them know they are cared for.
4. **Know the emergency resources.** Have the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline number (988 in the U.S.) on hand in case immediate help is needed.
You Matter
It’s okay to not be okay, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Whether you’re reaching out for help yourself or offering support to someone you care about, know that your actions can make a difference. Life has its ups and downs, but with the right support, there is always hope for a brighter tomorrow.
This Suicide Prevention Month, let’s come together to raise awareness, support one another, and remind ourselves and our loved ones that **help is available, and healing is possible**. You are stronger than you know, and we are here to walk alongside you on your journey to mental wellness.
**If you or someone you know is in crisis, reach out to the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988, or use the chat service at 988lifeline.org.**

How to Make Your New Year’s Resolution Stick

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a-balanced-life-tahoeWell its the first week of 2022  My guess is most people have made New Year’s resolutions.  And the truth is, most people do not follow through with them.  Why is this?  Why is change so hard for humans?   And how do you make change stick?

To start, humans are a species that likes homeostasis, or status quo.  Change takes effort in the brain and the brain likes to use as little energy as possible in the short-term.  Problem is, many patterns we have can be ones that are self-defeating and in the big picture create more pain, suffering and use more energy.  Our brains like short, quick fixes and are resistant to using energy to change.  Therefore, it take quite a bit of determination to commit to making a change and lots of repetition for this change, or new habit, to become normalized and the new status quo.

Some helpful tips are to focus on one change at a time, and then repeat it intentionally and with as many reminders and tools as we need to do the new habit until it becomes the new normal.  Once this happens, this new habit becomes easy to stick with, but during times of duress we can go back to our old patterns.

Here is an analogy.  Imagine that your best friend lives half a mile away through the woods and for the past 5 years you have made pathway in the forest to their house.  Over time that pathway becomes worn down and you will be able to walk it without paying attention.  When your mind is wandering and thinking of other things, then before you know it you are at your friends house.  But then one day someone shares with you that if you take this other way 500 meters further north, there are better views, it is sunnier, and there is no poison ivy or prickers like on your other path.  You decide to try this new path and realize how much more pleasant it is.  But, the next day you are distracted and thinking of your work assignment for tomorrow and before you know it your half way down the old path so you just keep going.

This keeps happening and you barely remember the new path.  Then you decide to intentionally go the new path, and even if you start the old path, you turn around and go the new path, and you put reminders in your home to remember to go the new path.  Over the next few months you repeatedly go the new path and now this one is worn down and the old one is staring to fill in with weeds.  This new path is now what feels natural to you.  Except for the day you are really upset about something and before you know if you went down the old path.  This is what it is like to build neuronal pathways in your brain.  And even when you create a new one, the old one always exists, hopefully weaker, but will be gone back to in times of extreme duress.  This is because the lower parts of your brain that take over in fight or flight still have those pathways in place.  So habits need to be repeatedly practiced to become a new norm, and even then sometimes you will do an old bad habit, and then you consciously and with self-compassion get back onto the new path.

So given this new knowledge, what do you think is the best way to succeed at your new years resolution?

My tips:
1. Only focus on one new pathway (aka habit) at a time.

2. Make it a realistic pathway (don’t try and learn a new 28 mile path, but a new half mile path is a good start).

3. Repeat as many times as necessary.  There is actually a large array of studies showing there is no concrete number to days or time you need to practice a new habit before it takes hold.  It depends on the person, the habit, and a slew of other variables.  So you just keep repeating until it is the new norm.

4. Put reminders in place to help you succeed.

5. Use your support system to help you succeed.

6. Spend time to understand WHY you want to implement this new habit- write that down, and repeatedly review it.  Understanding what purpose, need is being met by this new habit.  What will you gain, why is this important to you?  Write it down, and review it regularly.

I hope these tips help you in your success to fulfilling you new years resolution.

If you are wanting help in becoming a better version of yourself, a skilled therapist using evidence-based therapies can help.  Here at A Balanced Life (www.abalancedlifetahoe.com) we have 7 skilled therapists with a variety of specialties who work with individuals, families, couples and children.

Call today to find your best fit therapist:

(530) 544-1748

or email us through our contact page: https://www.abalancedlifetahoe.com/contact-us/

How to Find Calm in a Crazy World

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Lindsay Simon’s Moonshine Ink Article:
How to Find Calm in a Crazy World.
November 19, 2021

LindsayMillions of years of evolution have led us to be built to survive, not for happiness. That means we need to consciously learn and practice strategies that will reduce anxiety, depression, stress and boost happiness. We need to train and wire our brains towards thinking habits that lead to peace, gratitude and happiness.

Check out the article written by Lindsay Simon, LMFT, Clinical Director of A Balanced Life: Individual, Family and Child Therapy, Inc in Lake Tahoe, CA, in the esteemed Mooneshine Ink sharing tips and education on how to improve your happiness right now, regardless of the stressors occurring in the world: https://www.moonshineink.com/mountain-life/how-to-find-calm-in-a-crazy-world/

Here are some quick bonus tips on ways to improve your happiness:

1. Make a list of what is in your control and what is out of your control. Radically accept the things out of your control and re-focus your energy on what is in your control (your own thoughts, behaviors and communication habits)

2. Practice mindfulness. When you notice your mind time traveling to the past or future you can use your breath or any of the 5 senses to focus on to bring your brain back to the present moment. Non-judgmentally practice observing your experience in the present.

3. Expressing appreciation verbally. To enhance relationships its not enough to think positive things about someone else, say them out loud.

4. Practice gratitude. You can start a gratitude journal where you write down three things you are grateful for that happened that day and WHY you are grateful for it too.

5. Spend time doing things you enjoy.

6. Limit or eliminate negative media.

7. Set limits and healthy boundaries with people who drain you.

8. Practice compassion. Know that everyone is doing the best they can given the skills, awareness and knowledge they have at the time.

9. Practice apologizing when you make a mistake. Blaming others and defensiveness push other people away and can create toxic communication and relationships.

10. Take time to stop and notice the beauty in the world. What can you look or think of right now for a few seconds that makes you appreciate the world right now. Maybe a view from a mountain top, looking out the window at a tree, or listening to rain on the roof.

These are all strategies derived from decades of research that will help improve mood and reduce stress. Each person is unique and a different set of tools, lifestyle choices and boundaries in their life is needed to create the greatest success in life. Working with a skilled therapist can help you personalize the best tools to impelemt in your life to help you thrive and live your best life.

Here at A Balanced Life we have 8 therapists to choose from and you can call to speak with a care coordinator to help answer any of your questions and find the best fit therapist for you.

Call today: (530) 544-1748.

You can also email use through our contact page here: Contact Us

How People Pleasing Leads to Illness – By Lindsay Simon, LMFT

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LindsayAre you a people pleaser?  Do you know someone who is a people pleaser?  If so, this can be a helpful blog post to help improve assertiveness and healthy boundaries in order to improve mental and physical health and longevity of life.

People pleasers are created, not born.  People pleasing is an adaptive response to an environment where expressing anger is not safe.  People pleasing is putting other peoples needs before your own and might also be called “conflict avoidant”.  At some point this was an adaptive response.  An example would be the young child who expresses frustration or anger over not being able to have their cookie before dinner (a normal emotional response), and their parent then yelling and raging at them.  After repeatedly experiencing this kind of reaction, they learn that love is conditional and they need to suppress their anger in order to be good and lovable.  This child has now learned that anger creates a risk to their survival and learns to stuff it.  This in turn suppresses their immune system, increases cortisol levels, impacts the development of their brain, and makes them more vulnerable to being a victim of domestic abuse later in life. So what was once adaptive in order to be accepted, loved and cared for by their parent for survival purposes, becomes maladaptive and problematic later in life.

 

Now, going back to example, let me clear that this does not mean you should give the child the cookie.  As a parent, we now know that we want to emotionally coach our child through their emotional world by helping them name and validate their emotional experience while holding boundaries.  This might sound like “I know, it’s so frustrating to not be able to eat the cookie right now.  I know, I get it, its sad and frustrating.  I feel the same sometimes when I don’t get what I want right away.  And, I’m your mom/dad so my job is to keep you healthy and safe and make sure you get all your vitamins you need to grow healthy and strong.  And know that I love you, I get you, and once dinner is finished we can have that cookie.” And follow up with soothing with physical touch such as a hug as needed.

Teaching children that anger is healthy, and how to express it in a healthy way (with our words not punching), and allowing them the safe place to talk about their feelings, helps children increase their emotional and social intelligence.  Research shows that social and emotional intelligence is the number one predictor of childhood success later in life (academically, financially, occupationally, relationally, emotionally, mentally).  If this is taught as a child, then as an adult we are better able to have healthy relationships with healthy boundaries.

However, if we were taught to prioritize other peoples needs (which happens often when there is an alcoholic parent, aggressive parent, or sick primary family member), then we learn to be passive and that our needs aren’t as important.  As we grow into adults, passive behaviors over time leads to resentment, low self-esteem, and mental and physical illness.

People pleasing is at its core the act of suppressing healthy anger.  When our personal boundaries are violated, when we are hurt by others, we have a healthy anger response.  When we suppress our healthy anger we are suppressing our immune system.  The connection between the immune system and emotions can be read more about here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4212945/

It is important to differentiate between an angry feeling vs an angry reactive behavior, aka aggression.  The flip side of people pleasing, or passivity, is aggression.  This is not the answer either.  Aggression is prioritizing your own needs in a way that hurts others.  In a way that gains power and control.  Aggression is also a maladaptive response to living in an environment as a child where your needs are not being met.  Aggression is a defense mechanism that uses fear to get what you want quickly, while at the same time keeps others at a distance which protects you against vulnerability.  This also prevents you from having close, healthy relationships which research has shown is directly related to life longevity, physical and mental health.

Both people pleasing and aggression lead to a life of more stress.  Stress releases hormones that cause inflammation and immune suppression.  This results in more physical and mental illness and less time on this planet.  The alternative is learning how to think and behave assertively in order to create healthy boundaries in life.  A skilled therapist can help you start on this journey.

See Lindsay’s original article in the highly esteem Moonshine Ink, North Lake Tahoe/Truckee’s independent newspaper here:

https://www.moonshineink.com/wellness-learning/people-pleasing/

To inquire at A Balanced Life to find a best fit therapist for you go to our contact page:

https://www.abalancedlifetahoe.com/contact-us/

 

Coping with Wildfire Anxiety

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Lindsay Simon, LMFT – August 25, 2021

Humans are creatures of habit and we like certainty.  The current wildfire situation is one of many current external crisis in the world right now that is bringing up many uncomfortable emotions. In California there are 12 active large wildfires that have burned over 1.6 million acres. In the face of uncertainty and potential threat, we experience anxiety, unease, discomfort, feeling trapped, fear, anger or possibly sadness.

Currently (as of 8/25/21) in South Lake Tahoe the Caldor Fire is less than 20 miles away, 12% contained, has burned 126,566 acres, and is creating extremely unhealthy smoke and air quality in the Lake Tahoe Basin (700 plus AQI at times). The smoke provides a constant reminder of threat, leads to restlessness as outdoor activity is limited, creates and exacerbates health problems, lethargy, and of course anxiety.  We are all feeling it.  We are all in this together.

Here are some tips that might help you to cope with the current wildfire and smoke situation in the West, where wildfires are running rampant. (For additional reading on specifically managing COVID-19 related anxiety check out this previous post here: https://www.abalancedlifetahoe.com/coping-with-anxiety-in-these-difficult-times/)

  1. Radical Acceptance

This is a coping skills coined by Marsha Linehan, the creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).  DBT is an evidence-based form of therapy developed for clients who experience intense emotions and identify as emotionally sensitive (usually as a result of childhood complex trauma and neglect).  Radical Acceptance is the concept of fully accepting things that are out of your control just as they are, rather than wishing they were different than they are.  Our desire and wish for things to be different than they are creates additional unnecessary suffering.  Something in all of our control is changing our thinking to accept situations that are out of our control.  What this might sound like is: “it is what it is” or “the wildfires are what they are, we can’t change the past, we can’t predict the future, it is what it is, and we can do the best we can to handle whatever comes our way when it comes our way.”

  1. Focus on What is IN Your Control and Take Action

Since you are radically accepting the things out of your control, (such as the fact that there are wildfires, smoke, or past human behaviors impacting the current situation) then you can focus your thoughts and actions on the things in your control in order to feel less anxious, sad, stuck or resentful.

Examples of things in your control that you can do right now to help you feel better:

Pack a bag to prepare for evacuation, prepare your house using the evacuation preparation list from Cal Fire, stay informed very intermittently (not constantly) of the fire situation, call a friend, read, play video games, do an online workout, meditate, practice gratitude for what you do have, research ways to help improve the environment, find volunteer organizations you can help through your time or financial support, focus on your blessings, do a creative project, paint, journal, play a board game, pray, sing, listen to music, dance, cook, eat healthy food, drink calming tea, limit caffeine intake, clean, catch up on sleep, re-arrange your furniture, build something, de-clutter, attend therapy and follow through with your therapy homework!  When you take the time to brainstorm there are lots of indoor activities that are possible.

*try sitting down for 2 minutes and writing down at least 10 action item ideas that work for you*

  1.  Be Mindful and Limit Your News Consumption

A negative spiral of anxiety can occur if you consume negative news that is meant to elicit negative emotions in order to keep your attention and improve ratings.  This becomes a negative cycle as once the news is off, anxiety creeps in from the uncertainty, you check the news again, then once you stop watching the anxiety comes back, then you check it again, etc.  This cycle of anxiety you experience can then be felt by those around you and create a negative mental, emotional and environmental space that is not necessary.

You can be in the midst of a natural disaster and stay calm, it all starts with what thoughts you choose to focus on (and recognizing and letting go of those that are not helpful such as future-tripping thoughts), use calm breathing and grounding skills, and create a calming environment.  Set boundaries around your news consumption and with those around you who are in a negative spiral in a kind and compassionate way.  Set a time to check on the news, ideal is at most once a day for less than 5 minutes.  Have an alert set on your phone for any immediate crisis responses needed.

  1. Practice Faith and Compassion in Yourself and Humanity

Although we like certainty, we are also a species of resilience and adaptability.  We have managed to evolve and survive over the past 2 million years, out surviving many other species while our population has grown dramatically in a vast variety of environments.  Being able to focus on our strengths as humans and believe and know that we can handle things that come our way when they come our way, can help increase your confidence in yourself and others.  The journey may not be perfect and smooth, and very bumpy at times, but we will get through it the best we can given the skills, awareness and knowledge we have at the time.

If you would like support in coping emotionally and mentally with the current world and personal stressors, a skilled therapist can help you feel better.  Here at A Balanced Life we have 6 highly skilled therapists, check out our options here: www.abalancedlifetahoe.com or reach out directly to the office to speak with Terra or Brit who can help answer your questions and find you the best fit therapist:

(530) 544-1748

Or email office@abalancedlifetahoe.com

 

Coping With Covid Burnout

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By, Lindsay Simon, LMFT

When will this all be over? It’s a common question and though vaccinations are underway, it sometimes feels like the end to COVID life can’t come soon enough.

A negative mentality can lead to frustration, anxiety, stress, or feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. It’s true that what we once knew as normal may not look or feel the same for a while. Here are some steps toward finding a sense of new normalcy and making the most of the current situation with COVID-19.

Focus on the controllables. Focusing on things out of your control is a guaranteed way to increase stress, anxiety, frustration and resentments. Other peoples actions, beliefs and choices are out of your control. The fact that we are living during a global pandemic is out of your control. The past and the future are out of your control. Try to make a list of things out of reach or out of your control on one side and the things in your control on the other side. Things in your control are your thoughts, actions and boundaries you have in the world and with other people. Accept what you can’t change and focus your energy on what you can control in order to improve your mental and emotional health.

Find ways to be grateful. Appreciate what you do have. Maybe it’s a job, a relationship, a pet or a person in your life, having hot water, the ability to walk, or the ability to spend time in the great outdoors. A habit that I practice daily is waking up and consciously implementing gratitude for my pillow, soft sheets and bed so that I start my brain on a path of positivity each day. Name and appreciate these things daily. A daily gratitude journal where you write down 3 good things that happened that day, and how they made you feel, can help form this healthy thinking habit.

Take time for reflection. Journaling can help organize your thoughts and feelings, and find meaning from difficult life experiences. Topics to consider writing about: the losses you have experienced and their impacts on you, ways you have shown strength or grown, and relationships that have improved during the pandemic.

Practice acceptance and forgiveness. Research shows that people who practice forgiving others and accepting things the way they are lead happier, healthier lives. This includes self-acceptance. Remember, we are all doing the best we can given the skills, awareness and knowledge we have at the time.

Reset your goals. Create professional and personal goals that are safe and reasonable. Break them down into smaller steps. As you achieve a step, check it off of a list. Remember, it is better to try and fail than to have never tried at all.

Prioritize ties with loved ones. Look at how this past year has strengthened some relationships and reconnected you with others. Actively foster these relationships. Have a picnic or go for a bike ride or walk together. If you feel stuck, ask for help from a trusted friend, family member, or trained professional, such as a therapist.

I hope these tips can help you during this difficult time in the world. A skilled therapist can help guide you through this difficult time so that you can come out of it stronger, more resilient and leading a more fulfilling life.  We have 6 highly skilled therapists at A Balanced Life that are available to help you on your journey.  Check out our options of therapists here: https://www.abalancedlifetahoe.com/our-therapists/.

Or call our office (530) 544-1748 and Terra or Brittany can help answer your questions and find the best fit therapist for you.