Radical acceptance Archives - A Balanced Life Lake Tahoe | South Lake Tahoe CA

Lindsay Simon, LMFT – August 25, 2021

Humans are creatures of habit and we like certainty. The current wildfire situation is one of many current external crisis in the world right now that is bringing up many uncomfortable emotions. In California there are 12 active large wildfires that have burned over 1.6 million acres. In the face of uncertainty and potential threat, we experience anxiety, unease, discomfort, feeling trapped, fear, anger or possibly sadness.

Currently (as of 8/25/21) in South Lake Tahoe the Caldor Fire is less than 20 miles away, 12% contained, has burned 126,566 acres, and is creating extremely unhealthy smoke and air quality in the Lake Tahoe Basin (700 plus AQI at times). The smoke provides a constant reminder of threat, leads to restlessness as outdoor activity is limited, creates and exacerbates health problems, lethargy, and of course anxiety. We are all feeling it. We are all in this together.

Here are some tips that might help you to cope with the current wildfire and smoke situation in the West, where wildfires are running rampant. (For additional reading on specifically managing COVID-19 related anxiety check out this previous post here: https://www.abalancedlifetahoe.com/coping-with-anxiety-in-these-difficult-times/)

Radical Acceptance

This is a coping skills coined by Marsha Linehan, the creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). DBT is an evidence-based form of therapy developed for clients who experience intense emotions and identify as emotionally sensitive (usually as a result of childhood complex trauma and neglect). Radical Acceptance is the concept of fully accepting things that are out of your control just as they are, rather than wishing they were different than they are. Our desire and wish for things to be different than they are creates additional unnecessary suffering. Something in all of our control is changing our thinking to accept situations that are out of our control. What this might sound like is: “it is what it is” or “the wildfires are what they are, we can’t change the past, we can’t predict the future, it is what it is, and we can do the best we can to handle whatever comes our way when it comes our way.”

Focus on What is IN Your Control and Take Action

Since you are radically accepting the things out of your control, (such as the fact that there are wildfires, smoke, or past human behaviors impacting the current situation) then you can focus your thoughts and actions on the things in your control in order to feel less anxious, sad, stuck or resentful.

Examples of things in your control that you can do right now to help you feel better:

Pack a bag to prepare for evacuation, prepare your house using the evacuation preparation list from Cal Fire, stay informed very intermittently (not constantly) of the fire situation, call a friend, read, play video games, do an online workout, meditate, practice gratitude for what you do have, research ways to help improve the environment, find volunteer organizations you can help through your time or financial support, focus on your blessings, do a creative project, paint, journal, play a board game, pray, sing, listen to music, dance, cook, eat healthy food, drink calming tea, limit caffeine intake, clean, catch up on sleep, re-arrange your furniture, build something, de-clutter, attend therapy and follow through with your therapy homework! When you take the time to brainstorm there are lots of indoor activities that are possible.

*try sitting down for 2 minutes and writing down at least 10 action item ideas that work for you*

Be Mindful and Limit Your News Consumption

A negative spiral of anxiety can occur if you consume negative news that is meant to elicit negative emotions in order to keep your attention and improve ratings. This becomes a negative cycle as once the news is off, anxiety creeps in from the uncertainty, you check the news again, then once you stop watching the anxiety comes back, then you check it again, etc. This cycle of anxiety you experience can then be felt by those around you and create a negative mental, emotional and environmental space that is not necessary.

You can be in the midst of a natural disaster and stay calm, it all starts with what thoughts you choose to focus on (and recognizing and letting go of those that are not helpful such as future-tripping thoughts), use calm breathing and grounding skills, and create a calming environment. Set boundaries around your news consumption and with those around you who are in a negative spiral in a kind and compassionate way. Set a time to check on the news, ideal is at most once a day for less than 5 minutes. Have an alert set on your phone for any immediate crisis responses needed.

Practice Faith and Compassion in Yourself and Humanity

Although we like certainty, we are also a species of resilience and adaptability. We have managed to evolve and survive over the past 2 million years, out surviving many other species while our population has grown dramatically in a vast variety of environments. Being able to focus on our strengths as humans and believe and know that we can handle things that come our way when they come our way, can help increase your confidence in yourself and others. The journey may not be perfect and smooth, and very bumpy at times, but we will get through it the best we can given the skills, awareness and knowledge we have at the time.

If you would like support in coping emotionally and mentally with the current world and personal stressors, a skilled therapist can help you feel better. Here at A Balanced Life we have 6 highly skilled therapists, check out our options here: www.abalancedlifetahoe.com or reach out directly to the office to speak with Terra or Brit who can help answer your questions and find you the best fit therapist:

(530) 544-1748

Or email office@abalancedlifetahoe.com

The article’s author, demonstrating social distancing.

The uncertainty and general threat surrounding coronavirus are causing anxiety and fear. I’d like to share with you some information about and strategies for dealing with these primal emotions.

First, it will be helpful if we define and differentiate between anxiety and fear. Anxiety is future-oriented thinking based on imagined worst-case scenarios (“What if” thinking, also known as catastrophic thinking or “future-tripping”). Fear is worry about a situation that is happening in the here and now and for which there is evidence.

The human brain is an amazing organ that has helped us survive and evolve for millions of years. Our brains have an amazing ability to anticipate and avoid or reduce the impact of future dangers based on past and current circumstances. When the anticipatory processes of the brain match the severity of threat and danger, this is a helpful, adaptive feature. However, when there is a lot of uncertainty about a novel situation, and a lack of data to assess the actual danger level (as is the situation we are all in with the coronavirus) the brain will still try to evaluate the potential threat in an attempt to avoid a negative outcome.

Without enough information to go on, the brain fills in the blanks, which can create on one extreme unhelpful and irrational anxiety, hysteria, and panic. On the other extreme, we can ignore facts and real threats that are supported by evidence, leading to potentially risky and harmful choices that could put oneself or others at risk. Ideally, we want to be somewhere in the middle, thinking that is based on evidence, data and reality while doing what we can to keep ourselves and others safe.

Here is an example of the difference:

Anxiety: “What if we don’t go back to work and I end up homeless and living on the streets”

Fear: “This is scary to not know when we will be able to go back to work.”

Living in a state of anxiety releases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, and when these are flowing our immune system’s effectiveness is reduced. When our body senses a threat it de-prioritizes fighting off infections. So remaining anxious increases your risk of getting sick and staying sick for longer. Once we have stress hormones flowing in our body, with increased heart rate and anxious chest breathing, this gives our brain feedback that there is an actual threat so our mind will start to race and look for more threats. If there are no immediate threats, our brain will then look for future threats and more “what if” thinking will happen, which will release more stress hormones. This creates an anxiety feedback loop. When in this state, the part of our brain that makes rational decisions and problem solves is no longer working, so we are more likely to make decisions that are rash, defensive, attacking, and unhelpful. If you are able to think fear thoughts (realistic and rational thoughts based on evidence) rather than anxious thoughts, then it is easier to do the next step of acceptance, letting go, and refocusing on what is in your control.

Let’s explore more of what CAN be done:

1. Practice compassion and validation for yourself and others: validate yourself and others that this really is a scary time of uncertainty. There are a lot of unknowns and that can be scary. Validation can help reduce anxiety in yourself and others as long as it stays with validating emotions, events, situations that there is evidence for, and not made up scenarios.

2. Radical Acceptance: this is the concept of radically accepting things as they are rather than wishing they were different. Much of human suffering comes from wishing things are different than they are. We can generate internal peace by accepting things that are out of our control, and refocusing on what is IN our control. Try writing on the left side of a piece of paper “IN my control” and on the right side “OUT of my control” and create a list related to your current worries. Your behaviors, reactions, and thoughts are in your control, and other peoples’ behaviors, thoughts, emotions, reactions, the news, and all events outside of you are out of your control. For all the things that are out of our control, we want to practice radical acceptance. When anxious ask yourself, is this in my control or out of my control? Re-focus your mental and physical energy to the things you can control. For those things that are out of our control, radical acceptance looks like acknowledging the situation without judging the situation or criticizing yourself or others. Radical acceptance might sound like “It’s no use fighting the past,” “The future is out of my control and worrying about it won’t change the outcome and is a waste of time and energy,” or “It’s frustrating that I have to work from home, but I accept that is how it has to be right now to keep myself and others safe.”

3. Practice relaxation and mindfulness strategies: future tripping leads to anxiety.
Instead focus on the here and now. One way to get in touch with and pay attention to the present is to connect with your 5 senses. You can also practice calm belly breathing techniques and guided relaxations or meditations. I suggest using youtube and typing in “guided calm breathing” and “guided relaxation.” Use this time to improve your relaxation and mindfulness skills.

4. Exercise. You might not be able to do your usual activities like going to classes, the gym, or the ski hill, but you can go for walks or do at home exercises. An example of at home exercise is Fiton which is a free exercise app you can do from home with no equipment and you can connect with your friends to share your workouts.

5. Challenge irrational, unhelpful “what if” thinking (called catastrophic thinking or future tripping) to come up with more helpful, rational thinking. Ask yourself, What is the evidence for this?, What is the actual chance of this happening?, What might be the best case scenario?, Will any amount of worry change the outcome?, and What would I tell a friend to make them feel better if they said this to me?

6. Acknowledge and label anxiety as it comes up as a fear of uncertainty, not reality. You can even thank your brain for doing its job of trying to protect you, and let it know you got this and it’s going to be ok. Even if you don’t know that, remember that thinking calming thoughts increases your immune system functioning and your decision making skills, so it’s worth practicing.

7. Practice gratitude. Neurons that fire together wire together, so our habitual thinking
creates pathways that our brain will unconsciously repeat. If we focus on appreciating
what we have in the here and now, we can start to create positive thinking pathways that lead to less stress and more physical and emotional health and happiness. You can start a gratitude journal where each evening you write down 3 things that happened that you are grateful for and WHY you are grateful for them (this last part is essential to get the full neurochemical benefits of a gratitude journal).

8. Avoid/limit the news. If we watch and focus on negative things, we will wire our brain towards negativity. Most news is exaggerated and full of invalid information with the goal of getting viewers hooked. You can have a supportive friend tell you if something major happens instead, or give yourself 5-10 minutes a day to check in on the status of things.

9. Take advantage of the gift of time. (If you’re lucky enough to have it.) We often complain about not having enough time to work on self care, self reflection, reading, continuing education. Use this gift of time to take an online course, read that book you’ve been meaning to read, or start planning a vacation.

10. Stay connected with friends and family. Use technology to stay connected during this time, and maybe teach someone who needs these tools how to use them!

11. Engage in counseling. If you feel you need support from a licensed professional therapist with anxiety, depression, stress, or relationship problems that are arising or exacerbated during this difficult time, we offer tele-therapy and online counseling services, using highly effective evidence-based practices such as CBT, DBT, Solution-Focused Therapy and The Gottman Method Couples Therapy.

Coping with Wildfire Anxiety

Coping with Anxiety in These Difficult Times