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ABL Staff

Teen Conflict Skills

December 23, 2022 by ABL Staff Leave a Comment

By Taylor Wasko
AMFT#129364

It can feel hard as a teenager to maintain relationships and to learn how to deal with conflict. And it’s true, it is hard! It’s scary!

When we have an issue with someone or a difficult situation to discuss, it’s easy for worrisome thoughts to pop into our brains: “What if they talk bad about me to someone else?” “What if they get mad at me and don’t like me anymore?” “What if they don’t want to be my friend or date me after I bring this up?” While we often don’t have any real evidence for these thoughts, we still think them, and they make us feel scared to speak about how we feel and what we need.

So, what might we do instead? We ruminate (think about it over and over). We let resentment build. We vent and complain about it to someone else (which often escalates it into a bigger problem than it was in the beginning). We stuff it and deny our feelings and needs.  As a result, we feel likely feel more angry, more anxious, and we don’t resolve anything.

In addition, in the age of social media, it can feel a lot easier to “talk things out” with someone through SnapChat, a text message, or through another form of social media. While this has become normal in our society, there are certain consequences I’ve observed in my time of being a therapist that this type of behavior can produce:

  1. You don’t learn how to advocate for yourself in real-time when you’re facing the difficult situation which leads to unhealthy boundaries, relationships and self-esteem.
  2. You doubt yourself and your ability to communicate, which results in higher levels of social anxiety and isolation.
  3. You become more addicted to your phone. There is a lot of scientific evidence that shows this increases risk for depression and anxiety.

Teenagers: you are at an age where learning interpersonal skills is imperative for confidence-building, maintaining relationships, preparing you for the workforce and life as an adult. Practicing face-to-face communication is necessary to prepare yourself for the future. Communication is the best tool we have to resolve problems, land that job you really want, work through an issue with someone you care about, and build self-esteem and confidence – so lets use it! Practice this communication tool next time you are feeling anxious to talk to someone about a problem:

DEAR MAN INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILL

 Describe: Start with describing the situation objectively. Don’t say: “when you got mad at me last night on Facetime…” instead, do say “When we were on Facetime last night”

Express: next, express how you feel. You never actually know how someone else is feeling until they tell you. Avoid mind-reading when you communicate. Don’t say “when you were mad at me on Facetime…” do say “I felt sad and anxious when you stopped talking to me, it seemed like you were upset.”

Assert:  Don’t beat around the bush! Say what you need to say. “I need you to communicate with me if something is wrong. This would be helpful for me because I’ll know if we have a problem to work through.”

Reinforce: Reward the person if they respond well: “thank you for listening and understanding.”

Mindfulness: It can be easy to get off-topic in hard conversations, stay mindful of the goal in the conversation.

Appear Confident: Look confident by making eye contact, being aware of your body language, and consider your tone.

Negotiate: Always be open to the other persons needs and willing to negotiate. For example: “I understand if you need some time before talking the problem through. If you need to hang up because you’re upset, we can always talk when you’re ready.

Good luck, you’ve got this!

And if you would like help with improving your relationships, communication skills, self-esteem, managing anxiety or mood then working with a skilled therapist can help.  We have 5 to chose from here at A Balanced Life!

Filed Under: Blog, Family, Parenting

Seasonal Depression, AKA Seasonal Affective Disorder

November 12, 2021 by ABL Staff 2 Comments

Charlotte-SantosCharlotte Santos, ASW

Daylight savings time has ended, the weather is changing, the days are getting shorter, and we’re all getting a lot less sunlight. Some people notice that they experience more depressive feelings in the winter and clinically there may be a very good reason. Seasonal depression, diagnostically known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), is something that affects millions of people each year. SAD is characterized by depression and depressive symptoms appearing and lasting specifically during a particular season of the year. Most people experience depression symptoms beginning in the late fall and lasting through the winter, experiencing relief at the beginning of spring time. A much smaller portion of the population experience depression specificity during the summer season and feel relief during the fall and winter months.

Causes of SAD are less understood compared to other disorders and are still being researched. What we do know and understand is that changes in the amount of sunlight we absorb significantly affects our internal clock, our vitamin D levels, and how much melatonin (sleep chemicals) and serotonin (depression fighting mood chemicals) our brain produces.

Similar to Major Depressive Disorder, people experiencing SAD may notice

  • Fatigue during the day
  • Difficulty sleeping at night
  • Increased isolation & social withdrawal
  • Changes in appetite
  • Weight gain
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Increased irritability
  • Increased anxiety
  • Feelings of hopelessness
  • Loss of interest in the activities you used to enjoy
  • Thoughts of death or suicide

If you have had a of history of experiencing depression during a specific time of year, a mental health professional will be able to assess you for Seasonal Affective Disorder and discuss various treatment options such as therapy, medication, and light therapy.

A therapist can help you minimize the severity of your SAD symptoms by helping you create an individualized treatment plan to tackle your seasonal depression. We can assist you with tracking and identifying when your SAD symptoms begin so you can be proactive with treatment to minimize symptoms, help you create a concrete and supportive plan of how to manage symptoms when they are at their peak, and help support and guide you into a healthier transition when the seasons change. A therapist will be able to offer informed and professional support to help you navigate ways to take care of your mind and body, and safely consider options to enhance the benefits of therapy such as medication to help with mood, or light therapy to help to supplement the lack of sun light.

We’re here to support you through this journey and can help you find the treatment that is right for you and your lifestyle.

To inquire at A Balanced Life to find a best fit therapist for you go to our contact page:

https://www.abalancedlifetahoe.com/contact-us/

Filed Under: Depression, Seasonal Affect Disorder, Stress coping skills, Trauma Tagged With: depression, seasonal depression, trauma therapy

Coping with the Caldor Fire: How To Reduce the Negative Impact of Trauma During a Crisis

September 8, 2021 by ABL Staff Leave a Comment

Charlotte-SantosBy Charlotte Santos, ASW – September 7, 2021

www.abalancedlifetahoe.com/our-therapists/

I was recently asked: “What can I do while in a crisis that will reduce the chance of long lasting trauma?”

My Answer: “We have to turn off the override switch.”

The cool thing about our brain is it is always looking to protect us. During heightened stressful times and traumatic events our brain can jump start our survival mode. You can think of our body and our nervous system as having two settings:

  • Baseline, often referred to as rest and digest.  This is when we are run by our parasympathetic nervous system, and where we hope to be most of the time.
  • Fight or Flight,aka our sympathetic nervous system, or our “override setting”, which is triggered by a potential threat.

Normally these two “settings” actually work together to keep us operating, but when something potentially traumatic happens our sympathetic nervous system takes the wheel to try to protect us.  Trauma occurs when the result of this survival mode leaves an emotional memory and pathway behind (for example if your heart races when you go by the spot you got into a car accident). Many times we don’t become aware of the neuronal pathways built in our brains by traumas we experienced until we do self-growth and reflection, such as happens in therapy.

Wait, so what’s happening to my brain? 

The short answer, in times of crisis and trauma our brain wants to flip that override switch. Our brain tells our body to release higher amounts of hormones like adrenaline, cortisol, and epinephrine which impact important things like our executive functioning, emotions, memory, and processing. Some noticeable changes in our body include our heart rate and blood pressure increasing and we start breathing heavier, this is what causes some to hyper ventilate. Once upon a time, this helped flash the emergency lights in our brain and helped us run faster and breath more efficiently to avoid being eaten by a lion, which could be considered a very good reason to flip the override switch and go into survival mode.   Now we can experience this when we are super stressed about a late assignment, what someone thinks of our appearance, our instagram post, saying the wrong thing, or when experiencing crisis and trauma. This brain and body response, in frequent or severe amounts, can have a long lasting impact on our brain functioning and brain health.

What does this have to do with crisis and trauma?

 When our brain is prioritizing safety and triggering trauma responses like fight, flight, fawn, or freeze, it doesn’t have the capacity to process events and memory like it should. Has someone ever cut you off in traffic or maybe you had a conversation that rubbed you the wrong way? Did it really bother you that day but a month later thinking back on it you no longer feel physically upset? Your brain was able to functionally and properly process those memories and emotions and transfer it from short-term memory to long-term memory, i.e. it’s in the past and no longer affects us.

However, when we experience trauma, our brain isn’t able to process the emotions and memories from the event like it should. It holds on to the strong emotions and fears and is unable to properly process through them to a place where we feel better on our own. Even after the event has passed, the emotional part of our brain keeps telling our body that trauma and threat is still present and wants to keep turning the override switch on. In other words, our brain is reacting to something in the past as if it’s in the present.

So what can I do about it?

Luckily, there are things that we can do to help engage our parasympathetic nervous system and turn off the override switch, which can be help us to make sound decisions using the logical part of our brain, process events and memories properly, and prevent traumatic stress and PTSD.

  •   While breath work may sound trivial, it is highly effective in managing our sympathetic nervous system.  We know that during trauma mode we increase oxygen levels (breathing heavier with inhaling more oxygen).  When we are safe we breath out longer than breathing in– the higher rates of CO2  tells our brain we are safe.  Three types of controlled breathing techniques to try:
  1. Box Breathing: breath in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4, repeat
  2. 3-4-5 breathing: breath in for 3, hold for 4, out for 5, repeat.
  3. 5-6 breathing:  breath in while counting to 5, pause, breath out to a count of six 6, pause, repeat.
  • Grounding, let’s activate those senses. Grounding skills help to bring and hold our focus to the present moment and what we are currently experiencing. Grounding skills engage our 5 senses.  A popular grounding technique is the 5-4-3-2-1 (usually paired with slow and controlled breathing). Identify and notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. Take the time to slowly engage with each sense.

Other sensory grounding experiences to try: washing your hands with cold water and noticing the sensation, smelling your favorite candle and focusing on the scent, or listening to running water.  The goal is to try to take deep breaths while focusing on the present sensations our body is experiencing.

  • Keep that brain engaged. We know that when our sympathetic nervous system takes over, parts of our brain don’t optimally perform and process information. Doing things that activate both the right and left hemispheres while alternating helps to keep all parts of our brain engaged and our parasympathetic nervous system activated. Activities like going for a walk (right foot left foot…) or dribbling a ball back and forth (right hand left hand right hand left hand…) are great examples. This mimics something called bilateral stimulation which is used in trauma therapy techniques like EMDR to help process past trauma and treat PTSD symptoms. (To email our office about EMDR or other therapy options click here: https://www.abalancedlifetahoe.com/contact-us/or call (530) 544-1748.)

How therapy can help

A client recently shared with me how talking in therapy somehow helps so much more than talking with friends. I shared how as educated and trained professionals, therapists and licensed mental health professionals learn specific techniques to treat symptoms, educate, and help our clients navigate and process all types of experiences. We learn how to help our individual and unique clients find what works for them and their needs. Whether it’s learning some grounding skills or processing a natural disaster, therapists can be a huge asset in helping clients learn techniques to process past events still having a negative impact on their life or help “turn off the override switch” in their brain.

Call our office today to get your therapy questions answered or inquire about services:

(530) 544-1748

Charlotte Santos, ACSW #9596

Our Therapists

 

 

Filed Under: Anxiety, Blog, Trauma

Moonshine Ink article: Strengthening Social Skills for Post-Covid Life

April 22, 2021 by ABL Staff Leave a Comment

Let’s face it, we’re all a little out of practice when it comes to socializing face-to-face. Clinical Director Lindsay Simon’s latest column in Moonshine Ink gives some useful tips to help with social skills. Check out the latest Moonshine Ink article from Lindsay Simon, Clinical Director.

Filed Under: Healthy Communication Tagged With: relationships, Social Skills

How to Have a Healthy Relationship with Food

December 24, 2020 by ABL Staff Leave a Comment

Check out Erin Kelly’s recent article in the Tahoe Daily Tribune for tips on how to improve your relationship with food. 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Mental health issue or normal adolescent behavior?

August 26, 2020 by ABL Staff Leave a Comment

This article by ABL therapist, Lisa Barker, LMFT, includes vital information for parents, especially during the pandemic. Teens are already a vulnerable population and with all of the disruptions to the norm, it’s good to have some guidelines for evaluating if your child is in need of professional support.

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

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